New Year New Adventures

It's been a loooooooooooooong time since we reported any new adventures. I blame Chipotle (since she's not here to defend herself)... It's all her fault. She has been spending her time racing around time town taking down portals and destroying city landmarks (she'll have to explain that to you).. that she has had very little time to take on new and exciting adventures. So until she realizes that I exist, I will like to share with you my most recent adventure with the GANGSTA BIRDS OF GALVESTON!!!!.. 

It was a normal day in Texas, when my hubby and I decided we would drive down to Galveston from Houston to see the beach and just hang out for little while. The weather was not what one would call "ideal beach weather" .. it was about 60 degrees, but it was still a nice sunny day to just go down and look around. Well we get to the beach and was super excited because we could drive on the beach..  it's the little things

So as we pull up to the beach I notice a group of birds just hanging out having a good ole bird time. Little did we know what was really going on. We walked right into the middle of a gang fight. Me being my little naive self never saw the second group of birds hanging out watching the 1st group of birds. So I get this crazy idea that I would feed the birds the leftover Famous Amos cookies that I had. I crumble up the cookies.. get out of the car.. walk around the car and that's when it happen... before I could even get the bag open, the 1st group of birds swoop in on me. It was something out of the Albert Hitchcock movie "The Birds"... All I remember seeing is all these white birds hovering over me... I even think I heard one demand that I give up the cookies before some real gangsta stuff popped off...

Fearing for my life, I ran back to the car.. open the back down and swan dived into the back seat. Now while all of this was happening, my hubby was sitting in the car trying to put his tennis shoes on like none of this bothered him. He turns around and looks at me and says.."What's wrong with you".. all the while I'm screaming.. "They'er trying to get me.. they'er trying to get me"... I might as well have been talking to the birds, because my hubby was no help.

Once he gets his shoes on, he grabs the bag of crumbled cookies while I make a beeline for the beach. He walks over, dumps the cookies and then all of the birds from both gangs, commence to swooping down on him.. Like something out of a horror movie.. I yell in what sounds like slow motion.. run Darion run.. they're coming for you. So my husband trots off (because he's a man and no man runs from a little bird right.. HA) all the while waving his arms to avoid attack.

We manage to enjoy the rest of our time on the beach bird free .... until it was time to leave.. all the birds were gone except one bird. I would like to think he was the leader of the gang. He hangs around the car, completely unintimidated by our presence.. looks up at my husband and said.. "Hay fat boy, you got anymore of those cookies left".. my husband kindly explained that he had no more cookies and we quietly parted ways..

Who knew a day at the beach would be so stressful... Thanks Galveston for the memory. I can only imagine what it will be like once the weather gets warmer. 

Guess whose coming to dinner...Chipotle version

OK in reading Churches' rendition of dinner Saturday she left out a few key things...

We were trying to find out what the waiters nationality was...but she failed to mention that he spoke like he had a swollen tongue, a lisp and a mouthful of marbles! He wasn't to swift either not the brightest crayon in the box bbbuuuuttt sweet never the less I guess.





Please note this entire topic came up while I was enjoying my bbq baked beans....talk about ruined!

Dirty Sanchez depiction

The first term brought up was the "Sandusky" courtesy of  "Onion Ring" (he will make some guest appearances as well) to the new term used for anal sex which is "Sandusky." Then (French Fry another guest appearance) asks if we know what the "Dirty Sanchez" was...wish we would have never said "no, what is that?"





Well once this conversation got started we were on a roll I pulled out my EVO and started Googling terms...so you guessed it here we are in the middle of a nice restaurant reading crazy new sex terms aloud and snickering like kids! Tee hee don't judge us!!

I won't even tell you what the Spider-man is...my facial expression with that one ---> o_O
Yeah umm...Thanks again for dinner guys!

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Guess who’s coming to dinner… You guessed it.. Chipotle and Churches. Saturday was date night in the City. Chipotle and I took a couple of hot guys out to dinner. When I say “we” took “them” out to dinner, I mean we picked the restaurant and they paid. Hey fellas next time dinner is on us ..promise

The restaurant of our choosing.. Fiorella’s Jack Stack Barbecue… if you’re ever in Kansas City, stop by any of their locations. The baked beans are to die for   .. 2nd best  bbq joint in the City.. I am a little partial to Gates BBQ… I think I just enjoy having people yell at me as soon as I enter their establishment. If you’ve ever been to Gates in Kansas City then you know what I am talking about. Before you even get a chance to look at the menu or utter your order, you are met with the famous, “Hi May I Help You!!”… this greeting is normally shouted, making you completely forget the whole reason you were there in the first place.

Dinner was delish.. but the dinner conversation was the highlight of the evening. It all started with our dinner party trying to figure out the nationality of our waiter. Many guesses were made and all of them were WRONG… so to put our eager minds at rest we finally asked him… and the answer.. Cambodian. This guy didn’t look like any Cambodian I had ever seen.  When I think about someone of Cambodian heritage I think of something like this ok I know that is very stereotypical of me but thats what came to mind (DJM)..   instead we got something like this … ok I exaggerate a little but he was not what I had imagine.

Typical dinner conversation ensued until I was introduced to the term “Dirty Sanchez”.. First I would like to apologize in advance to anyone name Sanchez.. Clean, Dirty or otherwise. Believe me when I tell you that I was completely taken off guard when I heard this. For those of you who do not know what this is… I’ll try to explain as best I can without breaking out into a full on laugh attack and thus not finishing my story… okay…………………. Sorry I had to take a break and get all the giggles out before I could finish. So without further ado… 

A Dirty Sanchez is when someone sticks their finger in their bum  hole and wipe the contents across someone else’s upper lip to make a mustache. Now while the act itself is gross to say the least … the mere thought of it gives me the giggles… who in there right mind would do such a thing… I can only think that this would happen to the person bold enough to try

at least that would be my reaction if I was on the receiving end of a Dirty Sanchez…

The other wonderful term I was introduced to over dinner was “Donkey Punched” Now unlike the Dirty Sanchez this requires actual physical contact. A Donkey Punched is something you do while engaged in sexual intercourse. While engaged in sex in the “Doggy Style” position, the giver proceeds to literally punch the receiver in the back of the head. This is done to increase sexual arousal.. … nothing about that is going to get me aroused… Please see image above if your not sure what a Donkey Punch will get you…

Needless to say dinner was good and I learned a very valuable lesson… Never have dinner with Chipotle (unless she’s paying)

The LifeSavers That Saved A Life...

Who would have ever thought that lifesavers really saves lives...


And no, I am not talking about the life savers you find on boats. I'm talking about the wonderfully delicious, circular candy, specifically Butter Rum.


Here is the tale of how Churches & Chipotle came to be and how a single lifesaver saved a life.
*dim lights* It was just your average night out in the City... 3 hot chicks looking for fun (well at least we consider ourselves humbly hot tee hee hee). We decided we would head to one of our local entertainment districts for a few drinks and hopefully some eye candy. Needless to say drinks are all we got. The eye candy was more like sour patch kids and nerds.

But the night was not a complete waste for somebody had a great idea..

"Let's go to the Hookah Bar*..."
(scratches hookah bar off the ol bucket list)
*we shall explain what Hookah bar is at the end*On the way to the Hookah bar we were fortunate to observe a lovers’ quarrel between two fella's...oh isn't love grand...cursing each other out, shoving one another in a cab then back out again...oh to be in love... LoL, At any rate... so we mosey on along and make it to the Hook! I have been introduced to the Hookah experience but Chipotle had not, but together we were total Hookah Bar virgins. The thought of sitting around sucking on a pipe shared with friends seemed so so so well "unvirgin like".... So we examine the menu (yes they had a menu) we appropriately decide on the flavor Sex On The Beach... And heck why not we were already sucking on a pipe, it might as well have had a visually pleasing thought to go along with the act…

We take our seats all gitty like 5yrs olds at Christmas… A couple of puffs in and we think we are some Hookah pros.. there was no way you could tell us we didn’t know what we were doing.. That is.. until one of the workers came over to tell us just that.. who asked him anyway.. “Hookah Bar Virgins” are allowed mistakes. It’s in the Hookah Bar Virgin manual (page 6 paragraph 3).. so after we were so rudely interrupted with “proper hookah” instructions, we went back to Hookahing (is that a word.. DANG right it is because I said it is now what sucka) we meet “McDonalds” and “Wendys” (they actually introduced themselves as such).... two very nice young men who happen to work that the fore mention places.. so we being the nice and inviting women that we are, introduced ourselves as Chipotle, Panera, and Churches (Panera will be making guest appearances)... it only seems appropriate since they introduced themselves as “McDonalds”& “Wendys”.. So that is how Chipotle and Churches came to be.. but enough of that.. on to the good stuff..


We get to the car and Chipotle is all.."I think I am going to throw up".. At the sounds of this, Panera makes a mad dash out the car. I think she reached the sidewalk in 2.2 seconds.. While Panera was smart to make a mad dash, I sat there cool and collect. This cool and collective demeanor was brought to you by Rum & Coke... I think i had the reaction time of a sloth.


So we hookah the night away having our own merry good time until it is time to leave...*que the music*..









Well at this point it's a little past two and we get to the car and Chipotle is all.."I think I am going to throw up"..



At the sounds of this, Panera makes a mad dash out the car. I think she reached the sidewalk in 2.2 seconds.. While Panera was smart to make a mad dash, I sat there cool and collect. This cool and collective demeanor was brought to you by Rum & Coke... I think i had the reaction time of a sloth. So good ole Chipotle proceeds to roll down the window in anticipation of the "Earl"...

So me being the wise and noble person that I am proceed to search in my bag for the all knowing "Lifesaver of Life" Butter Rum. After that a couple of Butter Rums in her system and fresh night air! Chipotle was all better and at this point, started the car in anticipation of leaving Panera who was of absolutely no assistance. I guess Chipotle figured maybe Panera could catch a "Subway" home....tee hee. We laughed all the way home and it was good night amongst friends. We hope you enjoyed this ride with us boys and girl and will come back for the next Adventures of Chipotle & Churches!






*The hookah lounge (also called a shisha bar or den, especially in Britain and parts of Canada, or a hookah bar) is an establishment where patrons share shisha (flavored tobacco) from a communal hookah or nargile which is placed at each table. Some hookah lounges are business modeled as such from their inception. Others are cafés or other establishments to which the element of hookah smoking was added later. Hookah lounges of all sorts have become popular in parts of Europe and North America in the last decade. -Source good ol "Wikipedia"

Coming Soon!!!